Funny marriage jokes

An elderly couple, Mildred and George, moved to Texas. George always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Mildred looked...

A married couple got into an accident and the husband’s face was badly burned. The doctor told him that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

A 67 year old woman walks into a drugstore. There’s a lot of people in the store, and she goes to stand in line. After a while, it’s her turn at the counter. She asks, “Hi, do you sell extra large condoms?” The cashier says "Yes" and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by...

When you’ve had a few glasses too many, your perception of the world will not be quite the same as when you’re sober. If you’re ever feeling a bit too sure of yourself after drinking, just think back on this story! A wife goes out for the night with her girlfriends. Just before she leaves, she...

You should never ignore words of advice from people who are qualified to give it – otherwise things can turn out like in this story. A man on a flight to Chicago suddenly found himself having an urgent need to use the bathroom. He headed over to the men’s room, nervously tapping his foot on...

you will not have obesity problem anymore #loseweight #slimb

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight. While […]

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took...

An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one […]

A woman is looking in the mirror and thinking her breasts are too small. Her husband offers his advice, which is hilarious - funny joke