only twice when my ex boyfriend raped me did he physically hurt me, one was by chocking me and the other was by holding me down by my then long hair, that voilene was not much compared to this but for 5 years of his stalking and abuse and torture i wished i was dead, i tried to take my own life a few times. this is important to me because people can be so dislocated from this trauma that they don't see it as real truma, something that causes so much pain you want to end your own life.<<<<