Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time. Every time I'm kept in the dark. Every time I'm outcasted. Every time I have unanswered questions.
Everyone is always wondering why I smile for no apparent reason, I smile mostly because I notice stuff that I think is amusing, and no one else notices. Sometimes I smile to cover the tears. But mostly I smile because I think someone else needs one.